Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Guest Blog - The Thunderous Toystore Tirade!

I've asked a couple followers of this glorious ragefest of an excuse for amateur journalism to write their thoughts down in a pile of organized electrons so I may seem more legitimate by having guest bloggers!
This is the first of (hopefully) many entries written by acquaintances from various walks of retail to give this blog a certain je ne sais quoi. Perhaps some sort of panache by having foreign influence. Commie influence.
Without much further ado, I present to you a tale of wonderous woe from a fellow frontliner in the world of toys. Consume, enjoy, return!


I’ve been with a children's toy retailer for about five years doing customer service – you know, the fun stuff (I’m hoping after reading Adrian’s blogs, you’ve got a firm grasp of sarcasm). I deal with returns of toys, baby products, and seasonal products. In the summer, our big bucks come from backyard playsets such as swing sets and playhouses.
Before I begin my tale of the most dramatic customer I have ever dealt with, let me describe our return policy on the aforementioned backyard playsets. It’s pretty simple: open it up, assemble it, keep it at your house for 45 days if you want, but don’t come back with it looking like it went through a hurricane or was attacked by animals (i.e. your bratty kids) and expect we'll take it back. If you’re going to return it, I want it in its original packaging, disassembled, including all its parts and instruction manuals, and it’s gotta be presentable.
Cool?
At the end of the day, it’s all about being able to resell the product to the next guy, otherwise we lose the money we spent to put that product on the shelf. This goes for everything, really. Don’t bring a used breast pump with milk still in it and claim that the box was never opened. Don’t bring a potty with stains on it and claim that it's still sealed.
With that said, the faces they make when they’re caught red-handed in a lie is nevertheless priceless.
So, one hot, sunny day, a middle-aged Iranian lady (yes, the disclosure of nationality is necessary in this case) walks in with a playhouse that retails for $299. She was the first customer that walked in the store as we opened.* I recognized the woman instantly as she had come in the previous week returning a swing set (retailing $499) that was brought back completely filthy – with mud and dead bugs stuck on some parts.
In fact, let’s rewind to that incident before I continue with this playhouse.
The swing set she brought back looked like it was crapped on. Although she had her receipt and it was purchased just days ago, the item was clearly used. We’re not a rent-a-swing set-store! This ain’t no big-box where you can come back saying I didn’t like it, have us take it back, and get your way no matter what! I don’t care if your kids hated it after a day of playing with it and you want your money back!
No!
 After arguing for roughly an hour about my refusing the return, I had to call a store manager to deal with her. In the end, she did indeed get her refund because after several different stories, she landed on, “it voz very dangerous for my keeds and hert them badly. You must stand by your items and make sure they are safe for cheelderen.”
Yeah. Anyway…
…she walks in with this playhouse (which is in its box) and I followed proper protocol to process the return:
Me: What is the reason for the return?
Woman: (long evil stare with flashbacks of last week) I don’t need reason, it’s in box, receipt is here and only 2 days ago.
Me: Okay, well, I’m going to open the box to make sure everything is in there and it’s good to take back.
I proceed to cutting the (possibly re-)sealed box and opening the flaps to take a glance at the product.
Woman: (slams the flaps shut – with my hand underneath, mind you) WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
At this point, every associate behind me at the cash registers jumped and skipped about 3 heart beats. This woman was so loud and decided to spray it, not just say it. I didn’t ask for the news or the weather, dumb broad. 
So...
Me: (trying hard not to lmao) Firstly, ma’am, I’m going to have to tell you to tone down your voice and refrain from further profanity as you are in a toy store. Secondly, it’s part of our policy to check the product upon return.
Woman: WHY YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME HARD TIME WHEN I COME TO RETURN? ALWAYS YOU. YOU RETURN RIGHT NOW OR I CALL POLICE.
Me: With all due respect ma’am, you can call whoever you wish, but I urge you to tone it down because you are disturbing other customers. (There were actually a couple of 6-7 year-old kids lined up behind the woman with their parent)
Here’s the funny thing: the playhouse looked intact, everything was there, and I was about to process the return with no trouble at all. But she just had to go ballistic for no apparent reason.
Woman: (Actually dials 911) Yes, hello..no...no emergency, I’m in toy store and associate is assaulting me.
Me: Really?
Really.
Obviously, she got nowhere with this phone call, and made a fool of herself in the process. 
My manager finally came down to escort her out of the store. As she left, she told me to go to hell and that I am a worthless and pathetic excuse of a Persian (see? Told you disclosure was necessary!).
The woman sat in her car in the parking lot for two hours. Just sitting. Not sure if she was waiting for the police to come or if she was scheming some sort of Playhouse Revenge. Eventually, she left and I thought that was the end of that.
A week later, my manager asks me to come to his office where I am introduced to a pair of kind police officers. I’m questioned about the incident as a police report was made (perhaps why she sat in the lot for two hours). The woman’s report stated that the associate (me) threw the receipt at her face, that I hit her with the box, and that (wait for it) I put her under so much pressure, stress, and mental agony she nearly had a heart attack on the spot. We sent our security tapes to the police showing me opening the flaps of the box and she acting like a lunatic.
Case closed.
Outcome: She is banned from every one of my store's locations in Canada.
Moral of the story? Hmmm...not sure if there really is one. Welcome to retail. Welcome to customer service. Welcome to my hell.

*ED: Shameless tie-in! Stay tuned for a full post about the marvels of Early Birds! Yes, they're usually angry as well, so let's tie that in to make it even more shameless!

1 comment:

  1. Great read! Dealing with crummy people really makes retail horrible, but gives you memories to look back on and laugh at how fucked up some people are! Good work!

    ReplyDelete