Cell Phones and Know-It-Alls

This week I had the pleasure of experiencing two more of my favourite customers. However, unlike my previously-catalogued super-best-friends, these two don't benefit from occasionally pleasing me. Indeed, they fall exclusively into the latter category of my definition. In fact, they can be categorized as such rather nicely - literally and figuratively. Long ago, I resigned myself to the fact that my personality doesn't allow me to be an overt arse to my clientele. I enjoy the subtleties in life, and sticking it to lousy customers is no exception.

Too Quiet

December 23rd: the busiest shopping day before Christmas. 12:30pm in a mall. The store is empty.

I'm afraid. I'm very afraid.

The Art of the Queue

I hate lines. I really, really do.


Maybe I should qualify that: I hate useless lines, like those for the bus. They make me want to force people to line up the stairs behind me on the subway platform.

That being said, situations like transit have alternatives. Refusing to file on to a bus in a specific order won't somehow cause the bus to drive more slowly, or as I'm convinced bus-liner-uppers (it's a word!) perceive it, cause the driver to miss their stop:

"I rang the bell!"
"Actually sir, you were 34th in line - you have to wait four more stops."

Hello, World! and My Favourite Customers

The original idea for this blog came as the Christmas rush picked up. People get crazy (crazier, I suppose) around this time of year. I have yet to figure out exactly why, but I'm sure there's grant money to be made in the study of the shopping psyche come holiday season. A mall in December is like a shark tank at feeding time. Everyone's eyes seem to roll back into their heads as they claw their way through hordes of their familiars in search of new and exciting ways to give their money away.