The Mysteries of Technology

"Isn't it automatic?"


I try to wonder if every industry hears this question on as regular a basis as the photofinishing sector.


"Chef? Isn't my food prepared and served to me automatically?"
"Mechanic? Isn't my oil changed automatically?"
"Lawyer? Isn't my defense mounted automatically?"


It's amazing to what extent technology goes in peoples' minds. Everything should be automated. Nodoby should have to voice their desires anymore because computers should recognize their brain patterns (presumably via some sort of laser technology) and through a series of similar technological marvels predict and accomplish absolutely everything the user was thinking of without human intervention.

Lease Renewed

After a brief hiatus, I'm back.

I have spent the last few weeks diligently and carefully compiling and analysing readership statistics and various other related data using a combination of lasers and extraordinarily complex AI algorithms (who offered to do the analysis in exchange for a game of chess or two). Results show that I am the most frequent reader of my blog.

Therefore, I have concluded that it wouldn't be fair to me to stop writing, and because I don't want an onslaught of complaints from myself about halting production, I shall continue.

I assure you, this action is in no way related to you, my dear public. You're just collateral damage that must suffer.

Incidentally, courtesy of a fellow blogger and longtime IRL ally, I have decided to adhere to a release schedule. That's right, folks, you can expect lengthy banter from me at the bare minimum once every week!

Enjoy-joy your reading!

Cell Phones and Know-It-Alls

This week I had the pleasure of experiencing two more of my favourite customers. However, unlike my previously-catalogued super-best-friends, these two don't benefit from occasionally pleasing me. Indeed, they fall exclusively into the latter category of my definition. In fact, they can be categorized as such rather nicely - literally and figuratively. Long ago, I resigned myself to the fact that my personality doesn't allow me to be an overt arse to my clientele. I enjoy the subtleties in life, and sticking it to lousy customers is no exception.

Too Quiet

December 23rd: the busiest shopping day before Christmas. 12:30pm in a mall. The store is empty.

I'm afraid. I'm very afraid.

The Art of the Queue

I hate lines. I really, really do.


Maybe I should qualify that: I hate useless lines, like those for the bus. They make me want to force people to line up the stairs behind me on the subway platform.

That being said, situations like transit have alternatives. Refusing to file on to a bus in a specific order won't somehow cause the bus to drive more slowly, or as I'm convinced bus-liner-uppers (it's a word!) perceive it, cause the driver to miss their stop:

"I rang the bell!"
"Actually sir, you were 34th in line - you have to wait four more stops."

Hello, World! and My Favourite Customers

The original idea for this blog came as the Christmas rush picked up. People get crazy (crazier, I suppose) around this time of year. I have yet to figure out exactly why, but I'm sure there's grant money to be made in the study of the shopping psyche come holiday season. A mall in December is like a shark tank at feeding time. Everyone's eyes seem to roll back into their heads as they claw their way through hordes of their familiars in search of new and exciting ways to give their money away.