The Mysteries of Technology

"Isn't it automatic?"


I try to wonder if every industry hears this question on as regular a basis as the photofinishing sector.


"Chef? Isn't my food prepared and served to me automatically?"
"Mechanic? Isn't my oil changed automatically?"
"Lawyer? Isn't my defense mounted automatically?"


It's amazing to what extent technology goes in peoples' minds. Everything should be automated. Nodoby should have to voice their desires anymore because computers should recognize their brain patterns (presumably via some sort of laser technology) and through a series of similar technological marvels predict and accomplish absolutely everything the user was thinking of without human intervention.

If everything was automatic, I'd be out of a job. I'd never have worked any of my jobs. Neither would any of you, my two and a half loyal readers. The biggest point of confusion in this question to me is the lack of logic (a common thread in this here blog, I reckon). Customer walks into shop designed for and populated by human beings. Customer orders prints at computer (usually asking for help from - ahem - a human being). Customer comes to counter and talks to a human staff member regarding order. Customer says, 'will it really be an hour?' Staff member replies that indeed, the little slip the customer is holding which says 'Ready for pickup in one hour' is surprisingly not a lie. Good lord! Accurate printed materials? It must be the future! Exchange continues with customer insisting this is far too long for x number of prints they have.

STOP.*

This equally amazes me. Not only does technology presumably do everything on its own (I'm looking at you, Skynet), but now it's immediately comprehensible by the layman! Yes, the same layman who just minutes ago asked for assistance in using the very user-friendly print kiosks.

Again I have to wonder if every other industry has their practices questioned as much as mine...

"Twenty minutes for my food? Ovens aren't that slow!"
"No no no, I don't need a new timing belt! It's the superconductor!"
"You're reading the law wrong. I can't be charged with anything. I'm leaving!"

I've never encountered as many cases of 'you're doing it wrong' as I have in retail. It seems everyone but the person trained and paid to do his job knows how to do it best. Despite the fact that I have been working a number of years with photofinishing equipment, it seems I still don't know how long two prints take to go through the system. I've had customers tell me 'it's no big deal' that my $200,000 silver halide printer isn't warmed up yet, or has had its developer tank contaimnated, or is leaking.

It's no big deal!

I've had people tell me they use printers all the time at work, and if they can print their six-page PDF off their high-speed monochrome laser printer in four seconds, how could it possibly take so long to print an entirely different type of document using a completely different system? The two are nothing alike, but the word 'print' is used, so they must be identical processes!

Yes, again we witness the marvels of the human ability to warp reality. Tell me, does anyone actually remember when it took a week to get film processed? Remember when next-day service was astounding and one-hour service felt like the future? I hope you said no, otherwise I'd have to conclude you were purposefully ignoring the laws of physics out of some twisted sense of spite or something.

I'll let you in on a secret: photofinishing is a mystery to most people. The idea that it's completely automated is only the most obvious manifestation of this fact. People will send in all sorts of photos to be printed, and then get offended when I allude to the fact that the pictures don't come out of the system already sealed in an envelope. Indeed, if I mention a problem about a corrupted file or having to reprint one item, I've seen people go pale-faced with fear and say, 'you mean, you've seen my photos?' That's like going in for a physical and being surprised when they ask you to change into the gown.

I suppose it's not so much the objections to time quotes or the silly quasi-humerous quips about me not knowing how to do my job that bother me, but the blatant contradiction I find among such people. At least, that's what I keep telling my therapist. He doesn't know what he's talking about.


Amusing Anecdote of the Day [via telephone]
Customer: "I got passport photos done by you and they were terrible!"
Me: "I'm sorry to hear that. What was the issue with them?"
Customer: "Well, for starters, I don't even look like me. This white background makes my skin look all wrong, and your staff kept telling me I couldn't smile."
Me: "That's correct. Those are two of the requirements for a Canadian passport photo."
Customer: "They can't be. In this day and age of digital cameras (related how?), why would they want such ridiculous requirements? No. You're making that up."
Me: "No, I assure you, we're not. What were they rejected for?"
Customer: "They were so terrible I never used them!"
Me: "So you're calling to say you didn't like how they turned out?"
Customer: "Yes. I went somewhere else and they were much better. Your staff need to learn how to take better pictures or people will stop coming back."
Me: "I'll keep that in mind. However, I'd like you to keep in mind that we take passport photos, not glamour shots. We guarantee the photos will meet the government's very strict guidelines. We aim for function, not style. Most people don't frame their passports in their front hallways."
Customer: "Well that's the wrong attitude. I thought you were professional photographers."
Me: "Yes we are, which is why the photos we took will likely get accepted, while the other 'better' ones won't."


Quote of the Day: "How many...things (makes camera action)...do I have on my....doohickey (points to camera)..?"


*The hour for manual application of force to nail-heads has arrived.