Guest Blog - The Thunderous Toystore Tirade!

I've asked a couple followers of this glorious ragefest of an excuse for amateur journalism to write their thoughts down in a pile of organized electrons so I may seem more legitimate by having guest bloggers!

This is the first of (hopefully) many entries written by acquaintances from various walks of retail to give this blog a certain je ne sais quoi. Perhaps some sort of panache by having foreign influence. Commie influence.

Without much further ado, I present to you a tale of wonderous woe from a fellow frontliner in the world of toys. Consume, enjoy, return!

Hello? Oh...Hello?

This may seem back-asswards, but for the sake of understanding, let's start this one off with a little computer analogy. Yes, chortle if you will, but this will all make sense in due course.

When shopping for a computer, there are several factors to bear in mind, most of which relate to performance. Just like cars, some computers will run faster than others. Some have more memory, allowing them to keep more information readily at-hand while working - much like a meat bag's human's short-term memory.

Word Cheap

I have to credit my coworker with introducing me to this term. It's perfect! I told her I was going to keep it but she insisted on some sort of compensation. We finally agreed and I traded the phrase for a shiny high-five! I think I lost out on the deal, but it does not do well do dwell on the past.

The beautiful concept of word cheapness brings us full circle to my initial ramblings about my favourite customers. However, unlike those previous categories, this deserves a full post unto itself. No, that's not a good thing. And no, it doesn't mean I'm recycling ideas, so can it, smart-ass(es).

Price Matching

I love competition. I think it's a great thing. I do!

Nothing encourages the most dastardly instincts within the depths of our repressed genetic code than the fear of inferiority. It's what kept the Macho Man goin' all these years and it's what provides the foundation for our glorious free market system here on the sunny beaches of North America.

Despite all that, I still hate economics. Go figure.

The Mysteries of Technology

"Isn't it automatic?"


I try to wonder if every industry hears this question on as regular a basis as the photofinishing sector.


"Chef? Isn't my food prepared and served to me automatically?"
"Mechanic? Isn't my oil changed automatically?"
"Lawyer? Isn't my defense mounted automatically?"


It's amazing to what extent technology goes in peoples' minds. Everything should be automated. Nodoby should have to voice their desires anymore because computers should recognize their brain patterns (presumably via some sort of laser technology) and through a series of similar technological marvels predict and accomplish absolutely everything the user was thinking of without human intervention.

Lease Renewed

After a brief hiatus, I'm back.

I have spent the last few weeks diligently and carefully compiling and analysing readership statistics and various other related data using a combination of lasers and extraordinarily complex AI algorithms (who offered to do the analysis in exchange for a game of chess or two). Results show that I am the most frequent reader of my blog.

Therefore, I have concluded that it wouldn't be fair to me to stop writing, and because I don't want an onslaught of complaints from myself about halting production, I shall continue.

I assure you, this action is in no way related to you, my dear public. You're just collateral damage that must suffer.

Incidentally, courtesy of a fellow blogger and longtime IRL ally, I have decided to adhere to a release schedule. That's right, folks, you can expect lengthy banter from me at the bare minimum once every week!

Enjoy-joy your reading!

Cell Phones and Know-It-Alls

This week I had the pleasure of experiencing two more of my favourite customers. However, unlike my previously-catalogued super-best-friends, these two don't benefit from occasionally pleasing me. Indeed, they fall exclusively into the latter category of my definition. In fact, they can be categorized as such rather nicely - literally and figuratively. Long ago, I resigned myself to the fact that my personality doesn't allow me to be an overt arse to my clientele. I enjoy the subtleties in life, and sticking it to lousy customers is no exception.